Smoking!!

It was around half past 4 Sunday morning. I had been very restless for sometime and not being able to focus properly. My heartbeat had increased by two folds and I had this huge lump on my throat. My mind was flooded with these crazy thoughts over which I had no control whatsoever. I paced around the floor trying to make sense of what I had just encountered. I stepped out on the balcony of my cabin and felt the cool breeze and tried to calm myself but that didn't help a bit.

I then thought that maybe a cigarette would do the trick. So, I got myself a cigarette from the cafeteria. The first puff though a bit bitter certainly did help in calming down my nerves. I popped in a Ginger Halls and continued smoking. It definitely tasted better or shall i say, sweeter. I definitely had calmed down by the time I discarded the butt. I had definitely calmed though I don't know for sure what it was due to. The cigarette or just the diversion of thoughts. I certainly felt a bit dizzy and suddenly the cool breeze just got colder. There I had just smoked my first cigarette since September '08.

Sundays at the Atheist's Lounge-n-Bar!!

Its been quite sometime that I haven't updated my blog. Nothing much has happened. The same usual stuffs of home and office. Lately, I have been extremely busy at office and the incessant load shedding hasn't helped my cause either.

Sundays are usually spent at home with a quarter of Royal Stag/Signature or Antiquity and some appetizers to go by. The easiest and by far my favorite appetizer is Wai wai sandeko. Just can't get enough of it. I sometimes cook appetizers n other stuffs too. I have tried my hands successfully cooking egg pakoras, hash brown potatoes, beignets, burgers, fish fries, chicken chillies, chicken curry with coconut milk (Malaysian style), etc. Well they have always been 'Finger Licking Good' except for once when the Malaysian Style chicken was too hot coz I ended up using just a few too many dried red chillies. I used almost an entire can of coconut milk in a bid to mellow the taste but to no avail. We managed to finish the entire stuff which signaled that after all it wasn't that bad but we ended up with burning tongues and exhaling fumes from all over. But no worries, it was an experience and after all practice makes a man perfect...

P.S. Watch this space for some photos which will follow soon..

Pool, Red Label and bandh...

It was one of those days, or in fact nights at office. Nothing I did seemed going my way. A lot of people who know me the slightest bit know how bad I am at controlling emotions. Every question irked me, every single voice irritated me. It got worst everytime the boss yelled, "score". I am sure the boys were trying their bit but it was a Saturday and most of the businesses were shut. I have never been very fond of working on Saturdays.

I could not wait for the shift to get over so when the clock struck 8, Sunday morning, I hurried out of the office.

"Nabin, wait I am also coming", a friend shouted as I got stranded in the staircase.
"Lets go and play some pool", he said as we met.
I couldn't resist the urge to strike the cue ball after such a long time. So, there we were in the pool house at 8 in the morning with a bottle of Red Label abd few packets of Lays and Kurkure. There could not have been a better start to a Sunday, I thought so.

We started with a frame of snooker and it suddenly got bored because we were simply not being able to pot the balls. Our skills had developed rusts due to lack of practice. We decided to abandon the frame and moved to pool where we fared a lot better. Was it the lesser distance between the balls and the pockets or was it the ever growing effects of whiskey? Or both?

Soon the pool house was filled with students from a nearby college. For some, it was a dating spot while for others it was a refuge from their boring lectures. We noticed that a couple of guys were huddled around a nearby corner rolling joints. We had almost drowned a bottle of Red Label so we didn't hesitate to ask for few puffs. After a bottle of Red Label and a couple of rolls of joints between us, we were broke and ready to leave.

He decided to drop me to home but when we were approaching Kalimati, we realized that there was a huge commotion and people had gathered out on the streets and were burning tires and effigies and yelling slogans. Had it been any normal day, we would have just turn around and taken a different route. But today was different. There were these two guys high on whiskey and joints, full of confidence that they were smart and gutsy enough to ride through the mob and reach their destination. Did we really stand a chance?

It was a matter of few seconds before a group of kids stood in front of us holding fist-sized rocks in their hands ready to hurl them at anyone who defied them. Kids, who wouldn't be able to spell 'politics' correctly. They were there because the schools had simply shut down because of the bandhs. They were happy just to be there because that gave them a chance to come out and play in the open. It also gave them immense power and for once they could have adults obeying their commands.

Within seconds, they were accompanied by a few 'leaders' who once in a while were threatening to burn the bike. I got off the bike and asked my friend to drag it to the side while I talked to the 'leader'. My friend was also smart enough to switch off the bike and keep the key in his pocket before someone else from the mob could do the honours.

"Jhyaap ho?", someone from the mob asked. Are you drunk?
"Ali ali good ma", I replied. I am on a high.

I don't know what did the trick but they let us return back without much of a hassle.

I don't remember where exactly he dropped me but I remember telling him, "You can drop me here. I'll take an auto or a micro."

"Are you sure?", he asked.
"Yea. You bet.", I replied. I then hopped on an auto, the ones that run on LPG gas.

I woke up with the scorching mid-day sun striking my face, my leather sandals stuck to my feet and my black jeans pants hot enough to cook an omelette on its surface. I was being dry roasted due to the whole-steel frame of the auto and also realized that I was the only passenger. First thing I did was shift to the interior of the auto so that the sun's scorching rays didn't strike my face directly.

Suddenly, the driver asked, "Utrine haina?" "Yahan bhanda agadi jadaina", he continued. Don't you wanna get down? This is the last stop.

"Kahan ho yo?", I managed to ask him. Where are we?

"Lagankhel", he replied.

I hopped down the auto with squinted eyes giving them some time to get acquainted to the sudden glare of the sun.

I went to the driver and asked him, "kati?" How much?

"Terha rupiya", he replied. Thirteen rupees.

I emptied all the four pockets of my pants and collected a couple of Re. 1 coins and another couple of Rs. 2 coins amounting to six rupees, which I gracefully handed over to the driver.

"Kasto manchhe raichha, diunsai matera...", he was murmuring, as I continued to walk away.

Drinks on the Terrace

"Bye, Goodnight", Rex slurred and staggered away to his destination. Thus, a night of drinking and laughter had come to an end, albeit unwantedly. It was a sunday and the plan had been conspired only a day before, Garcia was the one who initially suggested to have a house party. When I suggested Upstairs (I just love their pork momo) for our hangout he had said that it was pretty expensive. Hence, a consensus was reached for a get together at my place.

I woke up pretty early and after some mundane chores, started preparing for the evening. I decided to prepare few items as appetizers to accompany our drinks. I honestly can't swallow a
sip if there isn't a titbit to nibble on.

Well, Feroze was the first one to show up just after the rain had stopped followed by Jim and Rex. Just after the arrival of Feroze, I cleaned and laid down couple of mats on the terrace. One by one, Alex, Garcia, Oscar, David, turned up.

It was a great evening with dark clouds hovering over us. There were few stars scattered and playing hide-and-seek with the dark clouds. The Kathmandu sky as always was littered with artificial lights glowing atop its concrete jungle. Straight on the horizon, I could see an occasional plane running on the TIA's runway with the mountains as a backdrop. Overall, it was a pleasant evening, not that anyone of us cared much about it with Royal Stag, Tuborg and Surya to accompany us. We bantered Rex for his very public crush for a colleague, chaffed Alex on how he was able to woo someone in a matter an hour, and so and so forth. Each banter would have to be a very thought out one as more often than not, it would backfire. After all, this group was a bunch of ace telemarketeers. Once a while, the banter would be directed towards me too which of course would be taken with no offence.

Then the music started. Jim started strumming my brother's guitar while Feroze started with his usual Kailash Kher's 'Tuta Tuta'. Then, it was Kishore Kumar, Rafi, 1974 A.D., Danny Denzongpa and many more as we entered the night. We only woke up off our reverie after drowning the drinks. It was then that everyone realized that they had to fly back to their nests.

P.S. All the characters above are real people with official aliases. Any resemblance to any person is purely deliberate. These aliases are used not to conceal our identity but only to make it easier for the Yankees to get acquainted with.

A Walk to Remember..

The title has got nothing to do with the romantic flick. Of course, this article has its own romance.

We had been in Darjeeling for the past 2 days and we were yet to see a proper sunshine. A typical monsoon. We had drenched ourselves and managed to visit most of the spots. Although nothing was new to me, I had a company for whom it was a first time. For us city dwellers and more importantly nocturnal creatures, a place like Darjeeling can be very small. The entire city is dead asleep by 8 pm. So, not having much to do and our pockets getting emptier because of the cheap booze and beef (i just love it), we decided it was time for us to leave. Running short of our high end dope too helped the cause. Pashupatinagar, the border to Nepal is an hour's journey and back then they used to charge 60 bucks (Indian Rupees) per head and they don't move unless they can fill 6 people in each of those Maruti vans. For me, the ride has always been worth every little penny, with those narrow roads winding with great esses among the magestic mountains lined by rows of pine trees almost kissing the clouds.

Upon reaching Pashupatinagar at around 2 pm, we realized that it was a bandh. After a bowl of pork thukpa, we decided to hike to Fikkal where we would be staying for the night. It was a bright sunny day and we weren't in any marathon mood. Hence, even after taking shortcuts through the downhill slopes, it took us exactly 2 hours to cover the 10 km journey reaching our destination at 5pm. We entered a roadside tavern and asked for a tongba and a plate of buff sukuti each. In my tipsy state of mind, I jokingly offered my pal to walk for a while to another fictitious destination. Knowing that there was no such destination, I was taken aback when I got the answer in positive. I didn't want to end up looking like a fool but my plan had just backfired. "Be careful what you wish for coz it might come true." I had intended to fool my friend and I was successful. Did I want it? So, what do I do now? The sun had already set beyond the majestic hills in the horizon and the darkness had begun.

There we were, two souls dressed in jeans and tees, each carrying a bag and strolling on the tarred road. We looked more like 2 people on an evening walk than hikers. We walked in our tipsy mood, gleefully capturing each other's moods in films with the serene tea gardens as a backdrop. We were occasionally overtaken by a bunch of villagers pushing carts loaded with empty jerricans on the lookout for drinking water. It's heartening to see each human being go through such an ordeal just to fulfil the most basic of necessities.

We came across a roadside tavern (bhatti), also a solitary house in the area so we decided to step in for a bowl of Wai Wai noodles. There were couple of men already there who were enjoying their drinks and chatting with the old lady's young daughter. The daughter was clearly flirting with the customers but her mom didn't have any problems coz it was inspiring those men to drink more and of course spend more. There were 2 tables that barely seated 6 people and on each table stood a small kerosene lamp that was flickering continuously and was barely enough to illuminate the room. There was also some illumination coming from the firewood stove at the floor in one corner. The silhouette of a couple in a passionate embrace in the far corner could not go unnoticed. It didn't take us a genius' brain to figure out that the silhouetted lady was the old lady's other daughter. Seeing two strangers, they started inquiring and upon hearing our little saga, the old lady offered us a bottle of local booze (tharra) for free. We too were kinda carried away with their coquettish remarks and were tempted to stay their a bit longer but we had other plans. Having quenched our thirst and filled our stomachs, we were on our feet again.

By now, the night had turned pitch dark and it was not even possible to see each others' face. Simply speaking it was zero visibility. We had to make sure while walking we suddenly don't land up in the tea garden below the road. To ensure which, we kept close to the mountainous wall on the side of the road. Of course, the camera was brought to a constant use though we had run out of the films. Until now, I had never known that the camera could be used in any other way besides taking photos. There were wolves howling and running towards us and all we had to do was shoot the camera and the flash would blind the wolves and scare the shit out of them. We had to do this very frequently as different packs of wolves continued following us. We talked about varied topics and whenever we ran short of words we would just remain quiet and continue walking maintaining a steady pace.

We had been walking downhill for almost 9 hours and both of us were beginning to feel the stress on our legs. The soles were burning and I felt the calf muscles would bursts any moment however we continued walking because both of us didn't want to give up. We finally had done walking downhill and reached the plains where the road stretched beyond the horizon. It was here that our real test began. We walked through the never ending road and when we approached a milestone, we would be sure that we had travelled for at least couple of kilometres and then would find out we had only travelled for one kilometre. This was when all our pains would resurface and we felt depressed. We tried stopping couple of speeding vehicles only to realise that they would rather run us down than stop. So, we were sane enough to give up on that idea. Though our pace might have been slower than a tortoise's but we were steady. Suddenly, I decided I had enough and sat down to rest for a while. I realised I had just made a blunder when I tried to get up. I just could not. My legs had just been locked. I somehow lifted myself up, of course with a little bit of help from my friend but then I couldn't move ahead. I had no choice but to give it all I had and finally was able to bring some mobility back. There were cramps all over my legs. I had pulled both the hamstrings and I felt there were blisters on the soles. The road felt like a bed of red hot coals and every step took more than an effort.

I've got blisters on the soles of my feet
Can't walk but I am trying
Oh think twice...

The night had passed by but the moon was still around with the pole star accompanying her. Suddenly, we saw a rickshaw approaching towards us. You can only imagine the joy both of us had when the rickshaw driver applied the brakes a few yards in front of us. We hopped in and the rickshaw-walla started pedaling towards our destination. The cool wind blowing across our face eased all our pain for a moment. I have never enjoyed a rickshaw ride as much. Finally exactly after 14 hours of overnight walk, most of which was downhill, we were back to my room both of us lying down and laughing at our insanity.

"Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints."

P.S. I wanted to accompany this article with few pictures but I have none. We had taken a lot of pictures but the friend has lost it re. I have surely left numerous footprints. If I am ever in the mood, I'll write about the journey that started in Kathmandu but that is another story...

Monday Blues????

It was a bright, sunny and warm Monday morning. Having slept early the night before, I woke up early, feeling as fresh as a morning dew. I excitedly jumped out of my bed and went to make an international call. As usual, I was disappointed to hear the same recorded voice. So, I decided to while my time away in the net.

Of all the contacts online, there was a girl who I had met and be-friended few years back during an usual Sunday hangout. Though we had met almost 3 years back, we hadn't faced each other ever since. Of course, I used to call her once in a blue moon, but more often than not, it used to be during those Sundays, in good mood. I specially love to talk to people when I am kinda drunk. Normally, I think I am kinda quiet person who doesn't like to talk much. When I am tipsy, drunk, in a good mood or in a high (whatever you call it), its just the opposite. At times, I've locked my cell phone away so that I don't disturb people during odd hours with my insanity.

So here she was, who I had spoken to a numerous times in my drunken state but hadn't meet her even once at my state of sobriety. After exchanging pleasantries, it didn't take me long to figure out that she wasn't feeling her best. I tried my best to cheer her up with some, "the glass is half-full, not half-empty" kinda guffs. I am not sure how well I convinced her but was certainly taken aback, to be invited for a cup of coffee. Although I am not apprehensive to meet people, everything happened so suddenly that it took me a while to come to terms with reality.

As I was waiting for her, there were so many thoughts flashing on my head. Will we able to relate to each other? How well will we get along? Prior to this, we hadn't really communicated with each other. This was nothing better than a "blind date" and honestly speaking, I was pretty skeptical. I've had some pretty bad experiences in the past and that has sometimes pushed me on my backfoot. Having said that, I don't hesitate to take chances in life. I can accept failing but I can't accept the guilt of not trying. "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what is inside unless you open it."

So there I was waiting for her in a busy street and she made me wait for almost half an hour but when I saw her walking down the pavement, I knew it was worth the wait. She looked like a "senorita" rather than a Nepali "thitee". Once we sat down and started conversing, I knew I was in for a treat. Though both of us didn't talk much, whatever conversation we had and even the silence made sense.

Here she was, who I feel is living her life to the fullest. I know "the grass is always greener on the other side" but its very difficult to live life on one's own terms in a society like ours and hats off to her. She is definitely a rebel in her own rights. She doesn't have any qualms whatsoever in voicing out her opinions and taking appropriate actions. As we were talking, the clouds got very dark and before we could even react, it started raining cats and dogs and of course, hailstones. It was a perfect setting, icing on the cake.

The invitation for a cup of coffee turned out to be 3 cups for me. Initially, I intended to stay only for an hour or 2 as I had my office but the gossip, ambiance, and the beautiful weather didn't allow us to keep track of the time. Though, it was still raining, we had no other options but to leave as I had to go to the office. You can't imagine how I hated my job at that moment. However, it was great fun and I enjoyed every sec of my walk on the rain. Though I wished that I could stop the clock for once but everything that begins has to come to an end and thats the beauty of life.

Having said that, it was probably the best Monday I've ever had. I don't even remember when was the last time I went out on any other day besides a Sunday. So, it was a change and changes are always for good. To top all of it, there was a wonderful company too. I don't know how much of a good time she had but even if she enjoyed half of what I did, I will feel glad. Well as I keep saying..."Life is a journey and you come across a lot of people. Most of them just pass by but there are a very few who leave an indelible impression." For the first time in many years, I wasn't complaining about Monday blues.

Bidding Adieu to 2007

Finally, 2007 is bygone and we've already stepped into 2008. I would just like to take few minutes off and look back at the year that has passed by. Some people might think its not such a good idea as lot of us believe in "letting bygones be bygones." I want to look back not because I want to cry over my failures but I want to analyse my deeds in the year gone by and make sure that I learn from my past. I am a firm believer of "Life is the best teacher."

The year was full of highs and lows. If there were some moments that made me want to stop the clock so that I could live that moment forever, then there were also moments that made me feel suicidal. There were times when I felt like ending everything I was into and there were also times when I felt I couldn't have asked for more.

There were some broken relationships and there was also sister's marriage. If you ask me today, honestly, thats only the second instance in my life when I've felt so low or helpless. She and I were more like friends than siblings. Like everyone else, I too had my dreams and wanted her marriage to be a very special day in our life as its a once in a lifetime event and she is the only sis I have. But that was not to be. She didn't have dad's approval and I was in no position whatsoever. So, there goes, one of my biggest dreams, straight down the drains. How true it is when people say, "Time and tide waits for no one."

There is of course another relationship that gave me one hell of sleepless nights for almost half the year. Well, I always used to be this "No woman No Cry" kinda guy but like much of other things in my life, she too came unannounced. I was happy and was adjusting to the change pretty well but she vanished as quitely as she entered my life. Though it might sound a bit too cheesy but I still have my fingers crossed and silently hope that she comes back into my life. You understand the real value of a person only when he/she is not around. I went to the extent and quit smoking because she didn't like it. Honestly speaking, it was the first time I listened to anyone else other than me. Even though, she ain't around these days and haven't spoken to her for months now, I don't feel the temptation to smoke.

There were also days when I excelled, set new benchmarks for myself. There were times when people came by and patted my back. My younger brother too, is living with me and continuing his studies. Of course, life is on a bit tougher side with more stomachs to feed and the same, solo breadearner but "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going." And to add to my joys, everytime I return back home past midnight after a hard day's work, its so amazing to see that big glow on mom's face. The only reason being that all her 3 kids are around her after almost a decade.

So, what did I learn from 2007? You hardly get anything you want so whatever comes your way, you gotta either accept it or reject it. The choices are all yours and so are the consequences. That's how life is and life doesn't end with shattered dreams. Many people say, "life is not fair" but I say, "life is not meant to be fair."

So, what are my resolutions and plans for 2008? Well, I don't have any plans coz I simply live a day at a time and don't believe in planning anything for the future that I am not even sure of living. But this is what I am gonna do...I know 2008 isn't going to be a bed of roses either, there will be both good and bad times. Neither will I get carried away by the good times nor will the bad times see the end of me. One thing I am sure about is I will continue giving my 110% day in and day out coz I don't believe in doing anything half-heartedly.

Bidding adieu to 2007....I would like to wish all the best to everyone out there and Happy New Year 2008!!

One Night @ the Call Centre...

We hadn't heard from each other for a while, both of us busy on our respective jobs. One fine day as I was whiling my time surfing the net in the office, having stepped in early, she called me up. After exchanging pleasantries, she told me she was reading, "One Night @ the Call Centre" and had called me up to let me know. She still remembered my desire to read the book which I had disclosed to her almost a year back. Wow! what a memory...along with the information that she had the book came the reluctance to lend it to me as she too had borrowed it. It took me another 2 minutes to coax her to lend me the book to which she finally agreed. Is there a better telemarketeer around? After about a week's wait, the book was finally in my hands.

I didn't know what to expect but my desire to read the book was totally based on the fact that I belong to the "Call centre" industry and I expected to somehow relate the story to myself. I finished it in 5 days and I must admit it was worth the read. Nibha, its a very small word but "thanks" a ton.

A dreadful month.....

If I bragged about all my achievements and glories in the month of Sep, then its only fair that I talk about the very next month, coz Oct '07 too was an unforgettable one but for all the wrong reasons. Well, I honestly feel that if one is eager enough to talk about their glories or achievements then he/she should have the guts to be able to talk about failures too because failures and successes go hand in hand.

Well I will save both your time and the details coz there are very few people who would be interested in someone else's problems as each one of us have more than enough to handle our own. On the professional front, it definitely wasn't a month even worth talking about.
On the personal front, I had to take some steps that I wasn't and am not yet sure of. I will let time be the judge. Though I knew that it was coming along I guess I wasn't ready to walk the dreaded path. No matter what the ultimate outcome, one thing I am sure about is, I am not going to regret coz I know if the same situation were to reoccur 10 different times, I would do the same thing every time.

Well enough of my problems and sorrows, I just want to put it all behind me and move on. I just wanna continue giving my 110% today so that I can look forward to a better tomorrow. I hope I didn't sound like a cry baby creeping about my problems and hopefully I didn't bore you.
You can be rest assured that the next post will be lot more interesting. So, until then....adios!

Offbeat...

What is life? Wikipedia defines it as: "Life is a condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects, i.e. non-life, and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally." How I wish it could be that simple. I believe this is unarguably, the most discussed topic that we've ever come across. Many writers, poets, authors have written or spoken about it. In fact, each individual has his/her own perspective towards it. The difference is some put their views in words, some talk about it and some just act on it.

For me, life's been a huge roller coaster ride with all those highs and lows. Sometimes its been a great fun and I've wished the moment never ended. There have been moments when I wished that the clock would just stop ticking but time and tide waits for none. On the other hand, more often than not, life's been so dreadful, I've been envious of the dead. It is in these dreadful situations, when I start asking all sorts of questions to myself. The one I ask myself the most is why do we need to go through all of this. I mean all of us are aware of the universal truth: death. All of us will end up being eaten by those maggots or being burnt to ashes. So why all this trouble? Why do we keep slogging our asses every single day and night? Why do we keep wanting for more? Why do we envy others' successes and always nag over our failures?

Well, I don't claim to have an answer to all of that otherwise I would definitely be the enlightened one. I am very much aware that the above questions are the most pessimistic thoughts one can come across or imagine of. As far as I am concerned, I do all that I have questioned above. I slog my ass day in and day out. I always dream and want more. I am most of the times envious of others' successes and more often than not nag over my failures or my missed opportunities. I know I am not the only one and bet all of you reading this blog do it. There is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact I am happy that I have these feelings. These feelings are the reason why I am alive and I aspire to continue living. Even the person attempting to end his/her life will, for once, just before breathing his last, regret his/her choice to end life. The very feeling of dissatisfaction or the need for more gets us going and inspires us to do better every time. Why do you think Sachin Tendulkar scored 25,000+ runs in International Cricket and still today strives to add every single run? Would he have reached where he is today hadn't he had the greed or the hunger for runs?

Sometimes I feel why do we keep grudges against people. We have one life to live and 3/4 of that we spend on wishing ill of others. Though we might not always be wrong and it might be that other person but you'll agree with me when I say, we are not always right either. I too have had my own share of tiffs, not that I haven't tried to reconcile the differences, but in some cases, the matter go beyond your control and it's better to quit than to drag it along. At this point I just tend to remember the Serenity Prayer, "Accept the things you can't change. Have the courage to change the things you can and wisdom to know the difference between the two."

To sum it up, for me life's been Home Alone, Basketball Diaries and Castaway. Fortunately, my Titanic hasn't sunk yet, and I silently hope that I continue sailing in this ocean called 'life' for another 15-20 years. Well, its just a wishful thinking. Until next time, Ciao!!

P.S. Please feel free to jot down your comments and criticisms.